Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
