Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
