HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
