You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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