Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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