***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
