Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
