It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
