3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
