he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
