he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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