You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
