Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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