Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
