Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
