Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
