Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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