Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
