They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
