It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize