my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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