i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
