I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
