thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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