In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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