hell yes lets make some ravioli
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
