I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
