I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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