took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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