i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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