i think i have herpe
just one?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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