Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
