Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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