I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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