3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
