Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
