I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
