what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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