I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
