There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
