I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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