Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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