I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
