I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
