Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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