There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
