I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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