I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
