I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
