I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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