Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
