if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
