apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
