Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
