i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
