Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
