i already hear my dad disowning me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My penis needs a shock collar
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
