Kiss
Puke
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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