I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
