Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
