Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
