I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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