I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
