i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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