So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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