just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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