I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
