he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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