just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
