grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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