I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
