Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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