my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
